The intake as a gentle start

“Oh… I actually expected it to be much more exciting,” my client says, surprised. I smile. Because, well. I hear that often. Many clients tell me that they find taking that first step quite daunting. They aren't quite sure what to expect, or they are afraid that we will dive into the depths at breakneck speed.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Because yes, I believe in deep work. But only in a nice, warm setting. With the necessary humor.

deep work, easy vibes

In my wonderful practice room in beautiful The Hague, we start off calmly. Cozy chairs, a cup of tea, and—for those who like it—a piece of chocolate. Because although we shake things up considerably during the intake, the atmosphere doesn't have to be heavy.

And that is just as well. Because regression therapy, exploring your family history, connecting with your body and emotions—it is unfamiliar territory for many people. We have become so disconnected from what lives within that going there can quickly feel overwhelming or daunting. It is precisely for this reason that I have structured the intake the way it is now: a gentle start.

INNER DETECTIVE

Prior to the intake, I will send you a questionnaire to help you begin exploring your family system. Not only does this yield important information, but the act of asking the questions itself often sets the necessary momentum in motion.

• The father, who is normally so difficult to talk to, opens up now that we are also asking him about *his* parents.

• The grandmother, who seems so proper, spills the beans about the brave actions she took during the war.

• Or the mother, whose warmth you missed so much, wipes away a tear when she explains to you why *her* mother died so young.

In some cases, things actually get locked down. Parents who ask why you are occupying yourself with that 'nonsense' or kindly but urgently request you to let the past rest.

Well, not easy. BUT… I can already tell you: those are often the intakes I look forward to the most. ;)

SHAKE THAT TREE

Once you have requested your information—whether successfully or not—we can get started.

During the intake, we will first delve deeper into your issue. After all, the 'problem' we believe we see intellectually often turns out to be just a little different at a deeper level.

In this way, someone experiencing a lot of anger might discover that a substantial layer of sadness is hidden beneath. Someone struggling with relationships might suddenly discover that she actually misses her mother terribly. And another might see that the nightmares haunting him for so long could well be a clue to something that happened in the past…

Once we have a clear understanding of what it is really about, it is time to give your family tree a good shake. Together, we will draw the map—or rather, the treasure map— of your ancestral territory. Who was born when? What was happening during that time? Did the church or war play an important role in your grandmother's life? And just think… what do you think that must have been like for her?

It is so beautiful to see that in the short time in which we attune ourselves to the various ancestors, a healing movement is already palpable within the system. The 'grandchild'—who is now my adult client—feels for the first time the connection with his grandfather, who was always labeled the 'villain'. Or it suddenly becomes clear why the women in the generations before you, too, could not allow love in, and how that continues to affect you.

A LITTLE BIT OF 'INTERMEDIATE PERIOD' MAGIC

As an ancestral therapist, you would probably suspect that the regression is my favorite moment. Despite the special and rewarding work, I must honestly admit that I find the intake, and especially the accompanying 'interim period,' the most enjoyable of all. It is as if we have carefully cracked the walnut and are now going to figure out what is going on inside.

The first work is done, the family lines have been activated, the tree has been shaken. And now… May life itself lend us a hand.

For instance, I regularly receive feedback at the second appointment that a client had a remarkable dream, that something suddenly clicked, or that the normally stiff phone conversation with their mother suddenly felt different. Not because you go home with a to-do list after the first appointment, but because the intake has opened something up. You look at things differently. You feel differently. And sometimes, life itself seems to bring forward some puzzle pieces.

What a win. And what a fine – and by now much less exciting – breeding ground to build on.